A nice collection of music jokes, question and answer, Knock Knock jokes and more, enjoy !
Did you hear about the classical pianist who was not a good speller? When she went out to buy something she left a sign on her door that said: “Out Chopin. Be Bach in a minuet”
Hey buddy. How late does the band play?
About half a beat behind the drummer.
A saxophone is like a lawsuit.
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
An eight-year-old kid says t his dad, “When I grow up, I want to be a musician.”
The dad says, “I am sorry — can’t have it both ways.”
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
Q.How is a heart like a musician?
A.They both have a beat
Q: How do know a clarinet player is playing loud?
A: You can almost hear them.
Q: How do you get a clarinet player to play louder?
A: You can’t!
Q: What will you never say about a banjo player?
A: That’s the banjo player’s Porsche.
Q: What do you say to the banjo player in the three piece suit?
A: Will the defendant please rise.
Q: What’s the inscription on dead blues-singers tombstones?
A: “I didn’t wake up this morning…”
Q: Why do drummers always have trouble entering a room ?
A: They never know when to come in.
Q: How do you know if there is a drummer at your door?
A: The knocking always speeds up.
Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They have a machine that does that now.
Who’s there !
!Bach who ?
Bach to work!
Who’s there !
Bass who ?
Bass the salt and pepper please !
Who’s there !
Beethoven who ?
Beethoven is too hot !
What do you call a mammoth who conducts an orchestra?
When is the water in the shower room musical?
When it’s piping hot.
Why did they arrest the musician?
He got into treble.
Do you think, Professor, that my wife should take up the piano as a career?
No, I think she should put down the lid as a favor.
Q: What do you get if you cross a lamp with a violin?
A: You get light music.
Q: Why did the boy bring a ladder to chorus?
A: He wanted to sing higher!
1st man: “My neighbors were screaming and yelling at three o’clock this morning!”
2nd man: “Did they wake you?”
1st man: “Nah….I was up playing my bagpipes.”
Q. Why do bagpipers leave their cases on their dashboards?
A. So they can park in handicapped zones.
Q: What’s the difference between a Scotsman and a Rolling Stone?
A: A Rolling Stone says “hey you, get off of my cloud!”, while a Scotsman says “Hey McLeod, get off of my ewe!”
Q: What is the difference between a banjo and an anchor?
A: You tie a rope to an anchor before you throw it overboard.
Q: Why do so many fishermen own banjos?
A: They make great anchors!
Q: Why did the Boy Scout take up the banjo?
A: They make good paddles.
Q: What is the difference between a banjo and an Uzi submachine gun?
A: An Uzi only repeats 40 times.
Q: Why does everyone hate a banjo right off?
A: Saves time.
Q: How can you tell the difference between all the banjo songs?
A: By their names.
Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one – but the guitarist has to show him first.
Q: Did you hear about the drummer who locked his keys in his car?
A: It took him four hours to get the bass player out.
Q: What is the difference between a cello and a coffin?
A: The coffin has the corpse on the inside.
Q: What do you get when you play a new age song backwards?
A: A new age song.
Q: What happens if you sing country music backwards?
A: You get your job and your wife back.
Q: How can you tell someone is a true music lover?
A: When they even put their ear up to the bathroom keyhole.
Q: How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Twenty. 1 to hold the bulb, 2 to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
Q: How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Seven; one to change and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
Q: Why don’t they know where Mozart is buried?
A: Because he’s Haydn!
Q: What’s musical and handy in a supermarket?
A: A Chopin Liszt.
Q: What is the definition of an optimist
?A: An accordion player with a pager.
Q: What’s the range of an accordion?
A: Twenty yards if you’ve got a good arm!
Q: What’s the difference between an onion and an accordion?
A: No-one cries when you chop up an accordion.
Q: How do you protect a valuable instrument?
A: Hide it in an accordion case.
Q: What’s an accordion good for?
A: Learning how to fold a map.
Q: What’s the difference between a chainsaw and an accordion?
A: A chainsaw can be tuned.
Q: What’s the only thing worse than a bagpiper?
A: Good question. We’re still trying to find out too.
Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. To get away from the bagpipe recital.
Q: How do you make a violin sound like a viola?
A: Sit in the back and don’t play.
Q: What is the difference between a violin and a viola?
A: A viola burns longer.
Q: Why does a viola burn longer than a violin?
A: It is usually still in the case.
Q: What is the difference between a violist and a terrorist?
A: Terrorists have sympathizers.
Q: What is the definition of a Soviet String Quartet?
A: A Soviet Symphony Orchestra after a tour of the USA!
Q: Mom, why do you always stand by the window when I practice for my singing lessons?
A: I don’t want the neighbours to think I’m employing corporal punishment, dear.
Q: Why are conductors’ hearts popular for transplants?
A: They’ve had little use.
Q: What is the difference between a trombone and a trumpet?
A: A trombone will bend before it breaks.
Q: What do lead trumpet players use for birth control?
A: Their personality.
Q: What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong?
A: King Kong is more sensitive.
Q: What’s the difference between trumpet players and government bonds?
A: Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
Q: What is the range of a tuba?
A: Twenty yards if you’ve got a good arm.
Tuba Player: Did you hear my last recital?
Friend: I hope so.
Q: How do you fix a broken tuba?
A: With a “tuba glue.”
Q: What do you call a person who plays the viola?
A: A violator.
Q: Why are violas so large?
A: It is an optical illusion. It’s not that the violas are large, just that the viola player’s heads are so small.
Q: What do you call the folks who hang around the musicians at conservatories?
Q: What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A: A flat minor.
Q: How do you get 2 piccolos to play a perfect unison?
A: Shoot one.
Q: What is the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw?
A: It’s all in the grip.
Q: What’s the definition of a gentleman?
A: One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn’t!
Q: If you were out in the woods, who would you trust for directions, an in-tune tenor sax player, an out-of-tune tenor sax player, or Santa Claus?
A: The out-of-tune sax player! You were hallucinating the other two.
Q: What is the difference between a lawnmower and a soprano sax?
A: You can tune the lawnmower and the owner’s neighbors don’t mind if you don’t return the sax when you borrow it.
A violist and a cellist were standing on a sinking ship together.”Help!” cried the cellist, “I can’t swim!””Don’t worry,” said the violist, “just fake it.”
Q: When a 16-inch viola and a 17-inch viola are dropped simultaneously from a 30-story building, which one hits the pavement first?
A: Who cares!
A musician calls the orchestra office, asks for the conductor, and is told that he is dead.The musician calls back 25 times more and gets the same message from receptionist.
She asks why he keeps calling. He replies, “I just like to hear you say it.”
Two violinists make a pact that whoever dies first, he will contact the other and tell him what life in Heaven is like. Poor Max has a heart attack and dies.He manages to make contact with Abe the next day.Abe says, “I can’t believe this worked! So what is it like in Heaven?”Max replies, “Well, it’s great, but I’ve got good news, and I’ve got bad news. The good news is that there’s a fantastic orchestra up here, and in fact, we’re playing “Sheherezade,” your favorite piece, tomorrow night!”Abe says, “So what’s the bad news?”Max replies, “Well, you’re booked to play the solo!”
A violist comes home late at night to discover fire trucks, police cars, and a smoking crater where his house used to be.The chief of police comes over to him and tells him, “While you were out, the conductor came to your house, killed your family, and burned the house down.”The violist replied, “You’re kidding! The conductor came to my house?”
Fritz Kriesler and Rachmaninov had a recital in Carnegie Hall once. In the middle of the music, Kriesler got lost and turned around to ask Rachmaninov, “Where are we?”Rachmaninov said, “Carnegie Hall, sir!”