Political jokes and satire
If you like political humor you are in the right place, here is a collection of the best political jokes and satire.
Definition: Politics Poli (Poly): Many…. Tic(k)s: Blood sucking creatures.
Q: You know what the problem with political jokes is, don’t you?
A: They get elected.
Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
Q: How many liberals does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One liberal and twenty eight delegates representing all the social, economic, and ethnic communities.
A: Two-one to do it and the other to keep the first one’s knee from jerking.
A: None: They can’t remove the old ones since they are already part of the environment.
Q: How many Liberal Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. “Well it’s not really a question of should we change it or should we not change the lightbulb, but more a question of…(blah blah waffle)”
Q: How many Communists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two - one to screw it in, and a second to hand out leaflets. A: One, but it takes him about 30 years to realize that the old one has burnt out.
Q: How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
Q: How many US Presidents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, the constitution says that only Congress can screw in light bulbs, so only Congress is responsible for the dark, which is why we need a Constitutional ammendment.
A: Only one. If he can handle 250000000 people a day I think he can handle screwing one extra lightbulb.
Q: What has dual airbags and has lots of room?
A: The White House.
QUESTION: How long does a United States Congressman serve?
ANSWER: Until he gets caught.
QUESTION: Name the loser in the 1976 presidential race.
ANSWER: The American people.
Q: How do you know when a liberal is really dead?
A: His heart stops bleeding.
Q: What’s the difference between Personal Injury lawyers and Congress?
A: No fee–If No Recovery!
Q: Know how to solve the Serbian/Bosnian problem in less than 48 hours?
A: Put Janet Reno in charge.
Q: How can you tell if it was a shared computer used by many staffers?
A: There is writing on the White-out.
Q: How many senators does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two to sponsor the bill and thirty-three to constitute a quorum.
Q: How many believable, competent, “just right for the job” presidential candidates does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: It’s going to be a dark 4 years, isn’t it?
Q: How many republicans does it take to raise your taxes?
A: None. The democrats do that.
Q: How many Democrats does it take to destroy a light bulb?
A: None. They only know how to destroy the taxpayers.
Q: What is a conservative?
A: A liberal who’s been mugged.
Q: What’s a conservative?
A: A liberal who made it through adolescence.
What is the difference between the government and the Mafia?
One of them is organized.
I don’t think this whole White House scandal is good for parents. I caught my six year old son David in a lie, and he said we could discuss it tonight in a “National Town Meeting.”
I want to become a politician when I grow up so I’ve made a list of skills I want to aquire, butI’ve only come up with one: Lying.
Why is Congress like a cold?Because sometimes the ayes (eyes) have it and sometimes the no’s (nose).
A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. The Republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person.The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless person, he decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. He then reached into the Republican’s pocket and gave the homeless person fifty dollars.
A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey. “If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I’m against it.” “But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I’m for it.” “This is my final position, and I will not compromise!”
A reporter heard Bush and one of his underlings talking in the hallway:”Mr President, how do we know for sure Iraq has weapons of mass destruction?”Pres says: “You think we’re stupid boy??? We made copies of all the receipts!!”
A reporter cornered George W. Bush at a press conference: “Many say the only reason why you would be elected for President is due to the enormous power and influence of your father.””That notion is ridiculous!” mocked George Jr. “It doesn’t matter how powerful the man is. He can only vote once!”
A tourist climbed out of his car in downtown Washington, DC. He saw a man standing near the curb, and asked, “Listen, I’m going to be only a couple of minutes. Would you watch my car while I run into this store?” “What?” the man huffed. “Do you realize that I am a member of the United States Senate?” “Well no,” the tourist said, “I didn’t realize that. But listen, I’m really in a bind so I’m going to have to trust you anyway.”
A small boy was asked by his teacher, “What is the size of the Democratic Party?” “About 5 feet 2 inches,” he replied promptly. “NO!” exploded the teacher.. “I mean, how MANY members does it have? How did you get 5 feet 2 inches?” “Well,” replied the boy, “my father is 6 feet tall and every night he puts his hands to his chin and says.. “I’ve had it up to HERE with the Democratic Party!”
Two political candidates were having a hot debate. Finally, one of them jumped up and yelled at the other, “What about the powerful interest that controls you?”And the other guy screamed back, “You leave my wife out of this!”
Once a madman said, “Do you know there is a war going on between India and Bharat? Another madman said, “Why should we worry, we live in Hindustan.”
Osama bin Laden threatened Russia: If you get caught up in this war… I’ll hide from you too!
A redneck calles up the White House and tells the receptionist:”I’d like to become the next President of the United States.”The receptionist: “What are you, an idiot?”Redneck: “Why, is it required?”
A little girl asked her father, “Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with OnceUpon A Time?”And he replied, “No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with ‘If Elected I promise…’”
Three Republicans walk into a bar.The bartender says, “We don’t serve Republicans here.”The Republicans say, “That’s OK…We don’t serve you either.
The politician was sitting at his campaign headquarters when the phone rang. He listened intently, and after a moment his face brightened. When he hung up, he immediately phoned his mother to tell her the good news. “Ma,” he shouted, “the results are in. I won the election!” “Honestly?” The politician’s smiled faded. “Aw hell, ma, why bring that up at a time like this?”