Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? Great food but no atmosphere.

What does a Chinese restaurant serve for Easter?
Coloured eggrolls !

Hello? Fred’s Restaurant.
Hello! I’d like to know, do you serve crabs?
We serve anyone, sir! Come on in!

How many cafeteria staff does it take to change a light bulb?
”Sorry, we closed 18 seconds ago, and I’ve just cashed up.”

How many McDonald’s counter girls does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change it and one to put some chips with it.

Waiter, what is this bug doing on my wives shoulder!
I don’t know - friendly thing isn’t he !

Two little boys were visiting their grandfather and he took them to a restaurant for lunch. They couldn’t make up their minds about what they wanted to eat.
Finally the grandfather grinned at the server and said, “Just bring them bread and water.”
One of the little boys looked up and quavered, “Can I have ketchup on it?”

Sign at restaurant reads: Eat here diet home.

“What’s the matter with your dinner ?”
“Can you describe it for me please in case I need to tell my doctor later what I’ve eaten !”

Is your food spicy Sir ?
No, smoke always comes out of my ears !

Jane’s father decided to take all the family out to a restaurant for a meal. As he’d spent quite a lot of money for the meal he said to the waiter, “Could I have a bag to take the leftovers home for the dog?”
“Gosh!” exclaimed Jane, “Are we getting a dog?”

Customer to friend: This is a wonderful restaurant. I ordered salad and I got the freshest salad in the world, I ordered coffee, and I got the freshest coffee in the world.
Friend: I know - I ordered a small steak and got a calf.

At our local restaurant you can eat dirt cheap - but who wants to eat dirt ?

I went to a restaurant that serves breakfast at any time.
So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

Have you ever seen a man-eating tiger ?
No, but in the restaurant next door I once saw a man eating chicken !

Young woman sat down in small restaurant, a waitress came over to take her order. “I’ll have a hamburger please.”
“Burger!” she yelled over her shoulder.
Then woman added. “Make that well done.”
Waitres turned away again. “Torture it!” she yelled.

Waiter, waiter, does the pianist play requests?
Yes, sir.
Then ask him to play tiddlywinks until I’ve finished my meal.

Q:What did one plate say to the other plate?
A:(’Lunch is on me!’)

A man and his girlfriend were out to dinner one night. The waiter tells them the night’s special is chicken almondine and fresh fish.”The chicken sounds good; I’ll have that,” the woman says.The waiter nods. “And the vegetable?” he asks.”Oh, he’ll have the fish,” she replies.

Two men were in a restaurant and ordered fish. The waiter brought a dish with two fish, one larger than the other. One of the men said to the other, “Please help yourself.” The other one said “Okay”, and helped himself to the larger fish. After a tense silence, the first one said, “really, now, if you had offered me the first choice, I would have taken the smaller fish!” The other one replied, “What are you complaining for; you have it, don’t you?”

Three couples are dining together.The American husband says to his wife: “Pass me the honey, Honey”.The English husband says to his wife: “Pass me the sugar, Sugar”.The [you name it] husband says to his wife: “Pass me the steak, Dumb cow”.

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, “Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn’t pay for your sandwich!”The panda yells back at the manager, “Hey man, I’m a PANDA! Look it up!”The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: “A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.”

“What flavors of ice cream do you have?” inquired the customer.”Vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate,” answered the new waitress in a hoarse whisper.Trying to be sympathetic, the customer asked, “Do you have laryngitis?” “No….” replied the new waitress with some effort, “just…erm…. vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate.”